1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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