just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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