oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
