Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.