I hope mine doesn't look like that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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