drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
