I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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