I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
