suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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