i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
