My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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