margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
