I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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