did you get engaged???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
