I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize