Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
