No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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