I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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