I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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