when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
