dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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