You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
