he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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