you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
