Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
