I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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