I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
