i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
