East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
