so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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