You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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