dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
