Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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