Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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