I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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