Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
