he thought i was a dude.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
