Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
