You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
