I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
