i just had sex bonerless
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
