This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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