Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
