woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize