got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
