He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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