So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
