dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
