apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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