I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
