out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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