Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
