is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
