i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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