Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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