I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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