plz talk dirty to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
