So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Farmville is her only friend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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