if i can run in heels then i can drive
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
