i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize