Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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