thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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