to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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