I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
God, I missed his penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize