Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
