Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
