I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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